WAN/WEF: Will Cape Town be ready?

May 29th, 2007

The Print Media Association - hosts of next month’s massive World Association of Newspaper and World Editors’ Forum Conference in Cape Town - have denied that the global body has Australia on standby to host the meeting if this country is not ready.

Danny Jordaan, head of South Africa’s 2010 Soccer World Cup committee, said last week that impeccable sources had told him that an Australian venue was being prepared. “I heard it on a bus in Geneva,” he said. “The man wouldn’t give me his name, but he had a serious look about him,” he added. “I think it was the same guy who said they were also going to move the soccer to Australia, so we know he has credibility.”

“Everyone knows that editors couldn’t organise a piss-up on a wine-farm,” he said. “It is only sensible to make alternative plans.”

But a WAN/WEF spokesperson in Geneva said they were confident Cape Town will be ready. “They have doubled the wine-crop this year in anticipation of editors’ needs,” he said. “We would only consider moving if it rains in Cape Town in June. That would be a total disaster.”

Members of Parliament confirm that they have done what they can to ensure the country is ready: ” We are rushing to have the new child pornography censorship law in place,” said the chairman of the MP’s special welcoming committee. “These editors can be confident that they will be safe in Cape Town.”

It is believed that Jo’burg authorities had rushed their announcement of a new monorail to try and get it in time for the editors. “If the soccer fans can have a R24-bn Gautrain, why can’t the editors have a monorail for a few billion?” said provincial transport MEC Paul Mashatile. “Then we realised they were going to Cape Town anyway. So we cancelled it.”

A PMA spokesman said that Jordaan was “irresponsible and unpatriotic” to make such wild allegations. “Doesn’t he know that he needs a second unnamed source for the story to have any credibility?”

“We are completely ready,” the print bosses said in a statement. “We are using the people who handle our newspaper distribution to do the logistics. That way we know everything will be in the right place at the right time, okay?”

Prominent businessman Tokyo Sexwale said he was willing to chair the meeting if called upon to do so. The ANC Youth League starting accusing him of rank opportunism, but then he gave them some shares so they withdrew their statement.

Nelson Mandela will be coming out of retirement specially to do hand-prints on T-shirts. Actually, he is just saying that to do his bit for the build-up. He has hired a street-person to do it for him. “I’m tired and deserve a rest. Besides, this guy has two hands, so he might as well put them to productive work.”

Entry Filed under: Anton Harber, Journalism, Print